Where do I find worth?  Do I find it in my appearance or in my attempts to lose baby weight?  Is it value found in relationships?  How do I value myself as a person and as a woman?  And where do I find answers to these questions?

I’m surrounded by media telling me that I am not valuable unless I look a certain way or have the right kind of home with a certain type of decor.  I should have this type of relationship with a specific  kind of looking partner and we should be doing these sorts of activities in bed — I’m looking at you Cosmo.  I should adopt a prescribed set of political stand points in order to have the right kind of intellectual thoughts and savviness.  And I should know how to cook the right ingredients as stated by those who eat clean. Or whatever.  I need to pin via Pinterest the affirming quotes that remind me to be my own person and to not listen to naysayers.  Find the quotes that tell me to be strong in the face of trials and when facing those who try to force me into the majority — not noticing the irony in seeing how many repins those same quotes have onto thousands of boards by people just like me.

Then, and only then, will my worth be found and I am valuable.  Yet this doesn’t seem right.

So why do I feel so hollow?

Because for all the worth I find in these places I lose my sense of self.  It’s not worth I would potentially find, I would be finding some sort of validation that should be coming from myself.  I should be adding to my own sense of worth, not finding it somewhere else.  I should be seeking out my own self-value not seeking out people or things to fill a hollowness.

It saddens me to see this place around me, this life around me, filled with beautiful people who want so much to be valued and worth something.  Who ache so much to be seen a certain way that they have no idea they are waving around an imaginary price tag.

Love is so hard, isn’t it? Especially when loving ourselves.

C. Streetlights
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Published by C. Streetlights

I wrote and illustrated my first bestseller, "The Lovely Unicorn" in the second grade and I've been terrified of success ever since. Published by ShadowTeamsNYC and represented by Lisa Hagen Books

4 thoughts on “worth”

  1. I am a child of the King. I am the “joy set before Him” (Hebrews 12:2) and He “takes great delight” in me, rejoicing over me with singing (Zephaniah 3:17)… I try to remind myself of this when I’m having one of those days where I feel as significant as a blade of grass. I am beautiful because I’m made in His image–even the dreaded lumps and bumps here and there on my person. Then at a more basic level I have to remind myself that the people who matter–my family and friends–love me whether I’m 163 pounds or 255 pounds (since I’ve been both) because they value the person inside and think I’m beautiful because of who that person is.

    Besides, there’s only one of me. That means I’m one-of-a-kind and in most circles that means something is priceless. I was, and am, good at math. I think we should apply the transitive property. If I’m one-of-a-kind and one-of-a-kind means something is priceless… well, then that means I am priceless!

    So are you, by the way! And thank heavens you are! 🙂

    1. Amen, Beth! I adore you! And that is exactly why I wanted to write this, because fundamentally we are all MORE than what this world wants to define us to be. We are eternal and so beautiful in who we are, our worth is infinite!

  2. Rita says:

    Ohhh this is soooo fabulous and perfectly timed. Yesterday I did a blog talk radio interview and this was one of the topics we spoke about – self worth. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and maybe…just maybe…you may have a few minutes to listen to the show…I love the last line…”especially when loving ourselves.” amen to that. xo

    1. Girl, you know I’ll listen! I love everything you do! Thank you so much for coming to visit my blog!

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