The monster lurks

Trust30: Day 7
Today, let’s take a step away from rational thought and dare to be bold. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write down the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle.
The only thing left is to, you know, actually go make it happen. What are you waiting for?

This prompt made me laugh which is probably why I have avoided the last couple days.  What am I afraid of pursuing?  The very thing I am doing right at this moment:  I’m afraid of writing.  To clarify, I am afraid of writing anything of any real substance.  Anything that might be construed as “real”.  I can toss off a “blog post” or a short guest post, but when people ask me if I am a writer I quickly say ‘no’.  

So if I am not a writer, what am I?  I have no idea.  I just dink around a blog and think that sometimes someone will read it and call it a day.  But I don’t think anything I do is important.

The scary truth that is the monster under my bed is I do want to write.  I do want to finish something I have started to write.  Not just the blog posts that I put up but the actual novel ideas I’ve started and many short stories that I have only gotten half way through, leaving characters in mid-conversations and conflicts.  I feel bad for them, trapped in the middle of action holding poses like stage-frightened mimes.  Poor things.  

I once blamed time for holding me back.  I worked full time and was chasing a child around.  However, my child is fine and I now no longer work.  I write continuously — or close to it — while blogging, so why don’t I Write?  So the only obstacle is me.  I am my only hurdle.  This fear of facing myself and actually finishing.  The fear of feeling like I must do something with whatever I finish.

How would I overcome myself?  The hell if I know.  It’s a miracle I blog and tell anyone I do so.  I am still overcoming the little things and breathing at the same time.  I will drag the monster out from under my bed soon enough.

Our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion, we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. We are parlour soldiers. We shun the rugged battle of fate, where strength is born.

 ~~Ralph Waldo Emerson
C. Streetlights
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Published by C. Streetlights

I wrote and illustrated my first bestseller, "The Lovely Unicorn" in the second grade and I've been terrified of success ever since. Published by ShadowTeamsNYC and represented by Lisa Hagen Books