If time were to stop right at this moment. This moment.
What would I be feeling?
That is what made me pause in the shower yesterday between shampooing and conditioning. Between lathering, rinsing and repeating.
(The best revelation comes in the shower.)
I’ve been allowing myself to be overwhelmed by feelings of anger and frustration lately. Just waves upon waves of past hurts and wrong-doings have been pulling me in. The tide has come in, you see, and I have allowed the water to drag me under. It’s like I have forgotten how to swim away from the undercurrent.
But I don’t want anger to be the last feeling I have in a time-stopping moment. I wouldn’t want frustration to be trapped in that pause. No. Tides rise when the moon comes up and this is a beautiful time. A healing time. A magnetic time. That moon pulls that energy forward and with it, the sorrows and hurts are pulled up to the surface. Ebbing. Flowing.
If time were to stop in a singular moment I want to feel the joy I have with my children. That lightness and heaviness that comes both together because my heart is all for them. These are the feelings I want to feel. I want it rolled up around me and painted on my toes. I want the giddiness to stream from eyes and to hold it in my hands, like sunlight. This. This right here is what I would be feeling if time were to stop for me.
Yet, somehow, it already does. If I were to be consumed by time, let it be consumed by passionate joy.
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One thought on “feelings, somedays”
I try to remember a verse about joy when I'm caught up in my negative emotions (which happens more than I'd like)… Hebrews 12:2 (hang with me, I'll 'splain) reads "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the Father." Okay, so Christ died on the cross for the joy set before him… I AM THAT JOY! If that doesn't make you feel better, nothing else will. Seriously. I am, and you are, Christ's joy. And that brings me great joy.
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