I struggle with prompts such as these because I treat my body as just a vehicle. My body is just a means to an end. I do yoga. Sometimes, but it’s not regular. I laugh when people ask me what my exercise routine is. I really, really laugh. And so the idea of my body being something that I can be integrated with, or become cohesive with… well, this puzzles me. I’ve heard of people talk about this, but I don’t think it is really possible for me.
However there have been times when I have had glimpses of this. One particular time I’ve written about here. I feel more aware of my body when I am in the water. It’s the water that allows me to let go of my worries and desire to control. The water is intoxicating in a way, the way it loosens your muscles and lifts your body. It makes you feel lighter than what you are. Water helps to drain away any feeling of control, and it’s the only place where that doesn’t bother me.
And this is, really, at the root of why I struggle with this concept and running theme of much of what I have written for #Reverb10: control. As I go into 2011 I hope to work on letting much of that go because I can’t live my entire life in the water even if I wanted to do so. This idea of being a “cohesive you, alive and present” can’t even begin to happen yet when I am no where close to being cohesive. It’s like I’ve got body parts strewn all through my house that I need to pick up along with all the missing socks.
My own body parts, that is. I should clarify that there are no other body parts but my own. Please do not call the coppers.
I do believe, though, that as the new year progresses I will get better at listening to my body and letting go of this illusion of control that I have held on to for so long. From these two actions, I will be closer to achieving this cohesion that I have had glimpses of in the past and want.