Inspiration has been hard to come by lately while the country has more or less been on lockdown. The Covid-19 virus has taken its toll on the nation’s health and also my desire to create anything. The usual ways I find inspiration have failed and I have to wonder if this is a permanent condition.
Don’t get me wrong…I’ve had writer’s block plenty of times, but this is no ordinary writer’s block. It’s as if I never was a writer to begin with and I no longer have an imagination. Is there anything more pathetic than that? Well, maybe not pathetic…more like hopelessly helpless. So how do I find inspiration during this time of fear and anxiety? I wish I knew.
The virus lockdown has put things into perspective for many people, myself included. Why rush towards a self-imposed deadline or the obligation to write a blog post when people are suffering? It seems small and insignificant in comparison to our frontline healthcare workers who are fighting a very real enemy.
But then, isn’t the point of creating a new piece of writing to provide a respite for those who are caught up in the battle of day to day living? Perhaps inspiration is our contribution to a world fraught with insecurity. Perhaps one of the few things left to rely on is the power of creation.
Of course, I know my place in relation to the world. I am a small time author who has written a few books, two more on the way, and not an international bestseller. However, it’s upon small things that the greater good is built upon, and so I must continue on and find that inspiration in the world around me, no matter how difficult it might seem right now.
I recognize how fortunate I am and what a sense of privilege to only be concerned about the lack of motivation and inspiration. I do not have to worry about a lack of income; I have health insurance; my family is safe. There is no real sense of emergency in my home, and for that I am grateful. What I’m feeling is not really a complaint as much as it is a sense of melancholy. I miss a part of myself that must be in quarantine, too.
Inspiration, it seems, can hide in the many shades of dark that encompasses life. But it can also be found again if I look for it. The days are bright, luring it back into the sun. I will find it again.