The change in the seasons has me edgy this year. I can feel an undercurrent running through me that has me looking for Whitman warning me to sing my body electric. I felt its thrill in a breeze that refused to die in a clinging summer’s finger tips just this afternoon and for some reason I remembered a family vacation in a long forgotten April.
It sings my body electric.
California sunshine is different here, where the sun mixes with beach salt air. It’s like walking through invisible ocean. And it’s who I am. Freckles sprouted onto my nose like they belonged there because they do. I found my rhythm in my step with each sinking footstep in the sand. And milkshakes taste better when you have them at the end of a pier. We watched sailboats come in and seals play hide and seek in the waves. My sister and I felt an earthquake rock beneath us while we felt the sand shift beneath us. Somehow it didn’t concern us in the least. It felt like we were home.
Life continues. I smiled for the first time in months. Just in time for family portraits. Where else? On the beach I grew up on — capturing my first real laugh in many, many months. I was home again to catch that first laugh. I didn’t know that I laughed because I was home; that’s how it usually goes.
I now live somewhere in the mountains, another place that I love with their magisterial beauty. What you see is what you get with mountains, and I respect that. I know that when I walk into the mountains I will always find the same pines, the aspens, the rocks. I will find the sun shining, making them look as if they are on fire in a way that reminds me of what El Dorado must look like.
Perhaps this is why I resisted the ocean so much when I was younger. I didn’t want sand shifting beneath me. I didn’t want to look down and see murkiness past my thighs. Singing my body electric scared me then, but now I am older and understand the way life naturally flows it’s who I am. Now. Transitioning from low tide to high tide, rolling. The changing seasons have me edgy because it’s the feeling of waves moving around me again; it’s time to allow my arms to greet the moon and feel the currents flow instead of fight them.
Faith might move mountains, but it’s how the ocean moves me that gives me faith.