Drowning Baggage

11 Things.  What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011?  How will you go about eliminating them?  How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
Truth be told, I have a great deal of baggage from 2010 that I would love to pack up in the ugly suitcases you see on the luggage carousels at the airports and wonder who on earth would use such things.  I would shove all that I never want to worry about or think about in those suitcases, sit on ’em while I zip those suckers up and throw them at the end of a pier somewhere.  While there have been some things I’ve been learned from I don’t need them lingering about anymore, cluttering up the corners of my home, and generally just being there like tacky knick-knacks from past vacations.  You know, all those little odds and ends that you hold in your hands after dusting and think, “What am I supposed to do with this?”
So what am I shoving off the pier for 2011? 
  1. Anxiety. I already have an anxiety disorder; I don’t need to add to it by panicking over things that I can’t control.  
  2. Worry. This is probably related to anxiety, but I don’t see it that way.  Worry brings about my anxiety which is why I see them as separate.
  3. Mistrust.  I once trusted people easily.  They were trusted until the proved otherwise.  Now it’s the opposite — I don’t trust anyone until they prove they’re worthy of it.  I don’t like this change in me. 
  4. Life is for Survival.  I am ready to shake off the idea of ‘survival mode’ now for 2011.  I want to remember what it was like when we just enjoyed life again.
  5. Inability to Bake Apple Pie. My quest to bake a perfect apple pie was finally fulfilled in 2010 and so I can put this obsession to bed.  It was an unhealthy one.  A fixation, really.  I was convinced that I was failing somehow if I couldn’t bake this pie.  It’s more than a pie, though.  This is what I do. I become convinced that if I don’t get something right than I’m not just right. I’m not pulling an apple pie again.
  6. Holding On. I’ve been holding on to many things in 2010 and it’s time for me to start letting go in 2011.  What does this mean?  I’ve been dancing around this idea of forgiveness, for example.  Holding on to it.  It’s time for me to start the process.  Holding on to hurt, betrayal.  I need to let it go. 
  7. Insecurity. I’ve been hiding behind “I can’t…” and “I don’t think…” all year.  (Did I do this one correctly?)
  8. Identity Crisis. I constantly questioned who I was in 2010.  I am only 34! I am too young for this kind of thing.  I am only 34 and too young to have already painted myself into one identity.  The one constant that brings me into 2011 that matters to me is that of ‘Mama’.  All else will fall the way it needs to.
  9. Boo Radley. When the world just seemed so big, and I just seemed so small, I wanted to stay home and hide.  I thought it might not be so bad to be Boo Radley —  minus the whole stabbing my father in the thigh with a pair of scissors incident.  All I wanted to do was retreat and not leave my house.  I can’t do this.  I have to leave my house and experience the world. 
  10. Wall Building.  I am an excellent wall builder.  If I anticipate that something or someone will hurt me, I pull out my bricks and mortar and begin to build a wall between me and whatever it is that I feel is about to hurt me.  “Good fences make good neighbors” after all, and I’ve built good brick fences all over the place.  I remain detached and seemingly unhurt when in reality I just don’t recognize any of it. I won’t do this anymore in 2011.
  11. Short Temper.  It’s probably impossible to get rid of a short temper in just one year “like that” but I hope to at least make it a medium-sized temper in 2011.  Maybe by 2012 it will be a long-sized temper.  
With clever packing I am sure I can shove all these things into one suitcase.  Boo Radley might give me a fight, but he’ll settle in after a while.  I will drive it all down to a pier, drag it all the way down to the end and give it one quick shove.  I will watch it slowly sink beneath the water and not even feel guilty at all.  I am sure I will feel quite relieved I won’t have to deal with any of these shadows anymore.  
A new year always seems to look brighter when you can welcome it lighter and with less shadow.
C. Streetlights
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Published by C. Streetlights

I wrote and illustrated my first bestseller, "The Lovely Unicorn" in the second grade and I've been terrified of success ever since. Published by ShadowTeamsNYC and represented by Lisa Hagen Books

One thought on “Drowning Baggage”

  1. ooh, i like the idea of packing up such things and pushing them into the deep ocean. it helps me realize that our baggage can be dealt with, taken care of, instead of stewing on them internally with no where to go.

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