Threads

When I first began my blog it was because my friend Andrew suggested I start one.  I thought that I might write a little something every once in a while, maybe link to something I thought was interesting… I had no idea it would become this.  I am still not quite sure what this is. Two hundred blogs later, I am still doing whatever it is.

I had hoped to possibly write something meaningful for my 200th blog.  Perhaps even Profound.  Impacting.  Long-lasting.  However, I don’t think I can put that much pressure on this little blog of mine.  I do want to say this:

People who are closest to me know I have undergone a great deal of upheaval in my life within the last year of my life.  I’ve been working on forgiveness.  Forgiving others.  I am truly beginning to learn the phrase “It’s a daily process” and applying that to my life on a regular basis.  I am not really the same person that I was when I began this blog 199 blog posts ago.  I’ve changed.  And there are many days I resent the people who have forced that change upon me.  But I’ve also learned within these 199 blog posts that I can choose the outcomes of the changes that I experience.  All I can do is get right back up again and move on.  


My shadow will just keep on following me, that shadow of who I was, and just like in the daytime, there are moments when my shadow catches up with me and she and I become one again. 


I hold on to certainties because, if I begin to doubt, I’ll be unraveling threads.  And like all threads that unravel I would be left with nothing.  Then where would I be?  

Where would I be?

It’s easy, surely, for me to know and identify all who have wronged me.  And I have.  I’ve cried many bitter tears, and my sweet husband has felt helpless because of it.  There have been many visits to the dark side of the moon that exists in my heart.  And I won’t be naive in thinking that there won’t be anymore because of my 200th blog posting.  It’s time for me to forgive. To hold on to my threads and let go of everything else. It’s time.

Because I do have many certainties kept inside my pockets to keep my threads from unraveling.  I have my family, who have been supportive of me.  Who have hugged me through losing a baby and starting a new job.  And all my other heartaches and changes.  Everybody from my parents in their own awkward way to my brother and sister, their spouses and families.  My husband, who is my best friend.  And my son, who is my heart. My husband, who sometimes doesn’t quite know how to figure me out, is a man who solves all the puzzles just by holding my heart with his own. 

And so, my 200th blog has come and gone. Nothing spectacular or earth-shattering, other than my desire to be more forgiving and my love and appreciation for my family. But I suppose, really, that is all there needs to be said. 

Happy 200th, Streetlight Imagination.